The ancient tradition of asking a woman’s parents for her hand in marriage can have significant importance to your daughter, especially if she is Christian. It is still considered a sign of respect that you ask the bride’s father, or mother, for their consent. A groom asking the father-in-law for permission to marry his daughter comes from a time when women had little autonomy. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry their partner. I am caucastion and my american born chinese girlfriend and I live together and we are getting to the point that I want to ask her to marry me, and I know she will say yes. This is a fantastic question, and one that I’ve found myself asking for a little while now. The old rule goes all the way to a time when marriage was up to the bride’s family, not so much the bride herself. The decision on whether she will accept his hand in marriage is still up to her. Here's a modern girl's take on the tradition: how to ask her dad for his blessing — in a way that's right for HER. Aaron May 86,528 views. The Mosaical law did not require that a father be asked to give permission to a man to marry his daughter, but it did give a father the right to halt a marriage that was forced because a man had raped an un-engaged woman (Exodus 22:16-17; Deuteronomy 22:28-29). If the marriage did take place, the man was not allowed to divorce his wife for any reason. Then, men had … Because, it is a … Asking the father's permission to marry his daughter is hopelessly outdated yet remains an absolute essential part of the rituals of marriage, says Rupert Uloth. It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. If you have not had the opportunity to meet your girlfriend’s parents before deciding to ask them for her hand in marriage, wait until after you have to ask for their permission to marry. Even with the change of context, the asking the father part of the tradition has maintained its relevance in a number of relationships. In The Winslow Boy, by Terence Rattigan, John Watherstone asks his prospective father-in-law, Arthur Winslow, for permission to marry Catherine. If, however your daughter or her boyfriend or believes this tradition is a nice touch that will help cement in-law favor, be prepared with ideas about how to respond to your future son-in-law. The tradition of asking her parents for permission dates back at least as far as Genesis 29 when Jacob asked Laban for Rachel’s hand. so ask her father for his blessings, and how much you cherish his daughter [your gf] They, likewise, will feel more comfortable granting approval to the marriage if you are not meeting them for the first time when asking their permission to marry their daughter. It is not really permission a man is seeking when he asks his future in-laws for their daughter’s hand in marriage; the man is honoring them by observing a long-lived tradition and showing them respect by pretending to ask their permission. I explained how it is the respectfull thing to do, and it is what my family does and he should also respect that. He however still refuses. One tradition that has been slowly fading away from Western society is asking a woman’s father for her hand in marriage. This involves more than a quick “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during halftime. you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. I think more of a heads up rather than asking permission would do if the person asking felt it necessary.” READ MORE: How to write a flawless father of the bride speech Father … Her parents live about 400 miles away and I have been in the mindset that you ask the parents for permission. The traditional reason was that a man would ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage to state that he could afford a wife and maybe someday a family. Instead, grooms are asking for the dad’s ‘blessing’ before getting down on one knee. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. There’s a deep tradition of men asking fathers for permission to marry their daughters. In many cultures it is traditional for a man to ask permission from a woman's father, in private, before proposing to her, or if her father has already died and she is still young, to ask permission of a near relation of hers. In 2014, the guys most likely to ask for permission are those least likely to need it. If he refused (and they often did back then), then that was the end of the courtship! Asking father in law for permission to marry his daughter - Duration: 4:54. Many couples today feel that the old, time-honored titration of the hopeful groom asking a parent's permission to marry her daughter is antiquated. I have asked her what her parents would think, should we get engaged. it evolved into asking his permission and then hers, and now finally is done as a mark of respect to the parents/father. Asking a father’s permission doesn’t make sense any more. Some of you may consider this an antiquated tradition, but both my and Ashley's families are quite traditional, so this was an important rite of passage. Get ready for a shock… there is no legitimate historical reason for this particular tradition. By accepting the coin, the father has given the groom permission to marry his daughter. So, why is it that some men still feel the need to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter? It’s no surprise by now to say that many traditions surrounding everything about weddings, from the proposal to the ceremony itself, have changed somewhat. A wet-behind-the-ears bachelor would be expected to discuss his finances with his prospective father-in-law. The 3 Month’s Salary Rule. Back then the decision was up to the bride’s father and not the bride. it comes from way back in the day when a girl was her fathers property. Asking a father’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage is one of them. The last thing you want to have happen is an additional strain to … because if you both have made your mind up that your getting married, dont let her father make that not happen. In today's modern world, couples often discuss marriage together, coming to a mutual agreement rather than a formal proposal. Is it a quaint tradition that refuses to die out? make your dreams come true, you know what im saying? Asking for the bride's hand became popular in the 18th century, said Coontz, when "you could marry for love, but the men were still in charge of their daughters. Nor is the dad in the song the only one not exactly prioritizing etiquette. More than likely, his daughter no longer lives under his roof and is already shacked up with her husband-to-be. Another part of this traditional process was that the groom would ask the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter. i think you should talk to her father and not ask him for permission, but for his blessings. Having said all that, it's pretty dumb to conclude that the guy is looking for money simply because of asking permission. The marriage, house, baby order rarely happens these days. Even recently, an Old Wykehamist friend was advised by his intended to turn up with his bank statements for her father to scrutinise. First comes love, then comes marriage… but in between, there’s a whole lot of traditions and decisions. Hey, I have been arguing with my bf lately. “ Personally, I don’t think asking for permission is relevant anymore. In fact, the tradition dates back all the way to biblical times. The father would then present his daughter’s hand to be joined in marriage. Other customs of initiating a marriage may include formal introduction of the partners to each other, such as the Japanese traditional custom of Miai. Of course, that is not the case today. We are talking about getting engaged, I asked if he was gonna talk to my dad. 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